Copyright © 1997-1999
TINA
and
Copyright © 1997-1999
Antares Real-Estate
7/19/99
List of abbreviations, acronyms, expressions, hopes For all ye English readers, I have added some humble lines of my new dictionary on net income. Additions welcome, addictions as well. Corrections impossible, all entries 100% proven correct on a Gates machine (see "Gates"). A well, you have to start somewhere..., even if it is at the wrong place <AOL> Going into AOL user mode. Example: <aol>Me too!!!</aol> <bg> big grin <g> "grin" <g> grin <s> smile <VBG> Very Big Grin <VBMG> Very big Mega Grin .sig A short, standardized message tacked on to the end of a news group article or email 1O Q Thank You 1O1 One On One 2 To, Too, Two 8086 old piece of silicon, no commercial value 80186 see 8086 80786 piece of silicon Intel could not build (see "Intel") A.D. anno domini; a dating system based on a mistaken interpretation of some unusual pregnancy ADA progamming language ADA progamming language ADA progamming language ADA progamming language ADA progamming language ADA still a programming language ADSL a daringly strange line, see plumber A.S.R. alt.sex.reptiles (see LART) AAMOF As A Matter Of Fact ABAP As BOFH As Possible ABP alt.books.pratchett - a strictly serious newsgroup devoted to the rigorous analysis of the works of a lesser-known humourist accounting see "hacking" ADN Any Day Now ADSL actually data spoiling litter; a means of transporting data on water tubes, may the water be used or not ADSL Adds Data on Supply Line ADSL Archives Data, Secret Leak AFAIK as far as i know [see SFAIK, see SFAIAA] AFAIK As Far As I Know. AFK absent from keyboard AFK Away From Keyboard AFK/W/B Away from Keyboard/Window/Brain AFP alt.fan.pratchett (news group) altavista the higher you get, the deeper you fall AMD added more design AMS artificial memory systems animated GIF an I-mated GIF; mates with other GIFs; a simple way to slow down computers to mate with intelligence of user; computers still seem to be faster, though; see "GIF" AOL add only lunatics, then buy Netrape (see "Netrape") APPLE a company which tried to buy Be (see "Be"), but didn't swallow the price; they swallowed the CEO (see "CEO"); some new Jobs are for free, see Jobs AQL accepted questionable level; measured in percent of unanswered complaints ASAP as soon as possible ASCII American Standard Code for Information Interchange; technically, this refers to the encoding scheme whereby the internally stored binary numbers used by computers correspond to human-readable symbols like "A", but in common usage on the net, ASCII also refers to anything that's made of standard text characters: "@>--,--`---" is an ASCII rose, for example. ASCII "All Systems can Interfere Ideally" (see "internet" ASIC all systems in ceramic; coke-proof edition for overworked techs ASK no! ASQ Another Stupid Question assembler a person screwing together a computer; modern speech analysis on the living object calls for writing it as "a person screwing up a computer" assembler an instrument to automatically transscribe your program code into something a computer can understand; the difference between an assembler and a compiler is the lower level of commands you are allowed to use; interestingly enough is the fact that "normal" programmers don't understand assembler languages, but who is normal in EDP business, anyway?; caution: compilers are the best place to apply WAD technology; see "Gates" ATM Asynchronous Transfer Mode ATM At The Moment ATM Automatic Teller Machine ATSL Along The Same Line autoresponder implementation of the latest Fuzzy technology (see "fuzzy"), elementary part of all new equipment to answer every request it gets with GC, see GC AWGTHTGTTA Are We Going To Have To Go through This Again? B.C. "before christ" [see B.C.E., A.D., C.E.] B.C.E. a system for dating years prior to the first year C.E./A.D. counting is retrograde, by the number of years by which a given year preceded the start of the C.E./A.D. calendar. B4 Before B4N Bye For Now ba*d bastard BAC By Any Chance back the place behind of which things happen backbone the cable which has the highest data rate; if you have only telephone cables, it is called PABX and sets you back dramatically, no good for your image!, call LAN sales droid backup storing all data from the HDDs (see "HDD") on a tape or other cheap medium; mostly done on tape (see "tape"); making a backup is the ultimate form of a WOM (see "WOM") BAK Back At Keyboard banana products fuzzy technology used in development to reach highest WAD excellence; done by permanently redefining design goal; see "continuous improvement" bandwidth the invisible one of the four fuels of admins; needed to make mailbombs; see "mailbombs" banner a square on the screen to ban useful information, very informative, see "cookies", see "data mining" bank see "accounting" bank see "money" bank palace place where the bankers (see "bankers") work (see "droids") and where they stow their gold and jewelry, currencies, and reports to their stockholders; look out of the window! bankers the only persons bosses are afraid of, except for Mummy (see "Mummy") BBFN 'bye-'bye for now [see BFN, GBFN, TTFN] BBS Be Back Soon / Shortly BBS Bulletin Board Systems BC before clocktick, last known state of CPU BC branch and crash, processor instruction BCC before clocktick crash, see USP BCC branch and crash console, operator instruction BCC break console and curse, ("in case of emergency", operator manual, part III) BCNU Be Seeing You BD Brain Dead BDTIM Big Dummie That I Am BDTM Big Dummie That's Me Be a set of programs to make a computer work; will not stay in business for long as it is too good to be let true; see "bankers" beer one of the four basic fuels of EDP personell; filling quantum rising till friday; highest rate: monday morning, but this is a strictly personal and individual imagination bench marks bench marks don't lie; liers make benchmarks BFD Big Deal! BFN 'bye for now [see BBFN, GBFN, TTFN] BIF Basis In Fact binaries see usenet; don't be caught! BION Believe It Or Not blue screen a technique to display scenes on a separate background; widely used by WIN l0users (tautology), with a blue foreground and no background bo bastardly overthrown BO back office; where to meet Al Capone's heirs BO back orifice; see CDC BO2K Windows NT (see "WAD") is now Back-Orifice-compatible BOFH bastard operator from hell: sys(tem)admin(istrator) - or, "the tech who knows how these ******* things work" (see LART) BOFF best organized friendly feline BOL Be On (the) Lookout Bond a state-employed hacker; always equipped with some new gadgets designed by a brilliant researcher; see "M" bonding silicon chips have no pluggable connectors but are connected by using thin wires which are welded onto special areas; the work of welding is called bonding; see "Bond" BRAIN least recently used module, see l0ser BRB be right back browser piece of software where to enter soft and where who and where and why and when; see "cookies" BSE Best System Executables, item no 102 of ActiveX manual, special edition for bankers; see "bankers" BTDT Been There, Done That BTG better than Gates, i.e. all BTO build to order, new version of "be prepared" BTO Built To be Ordered, former version of BTO (see "BTO") BTSOOM beats the shit out of me BTW by the way BUG brilliant and ultimate goal bug small insect BWG Big Wide Grin BYKTA But You Know That Already C see C and if you still don't see it, then it is C++ C++ rat race (see "rat race") version of C C64 we still don't know CABAL a covert association of conspirators, frequently one attempting to wrest control of an organisation; or, actually having succeeded in taking control, that chooses to keep its existence - and the extent of its powers - hidden from all but its own members. the acronym was formed from the initial letters of the first group of plotters to be so identified, and is therefore in origin an acroeponym. cables those long things with plugs at the end; cables have a certain knack in their psychology to lie on the ground there, where someone is most certain to step on them and thus pull the plug camera the well-hidden module which is connected to the company's LAN to show everybody the momentary state of the coffee machine; see "secretary" cat see mouse CB coffee break CB continuuous breakdown; state of EDP department; somehow related to government, though CCC Computer Cash Consultants (see "CCC") CCC Computer Crash Consultants (see "CCC") CCC chatty cheeks chorus CCC collect cashiers' codes CCCC the Government's new Civilian Computer Conservation Corps CCCI crunch credit card immediately; see "credit" CCRS Chronic Can't Remember Shit CDC constant danger condition CDC could develop chronic CD ROM drive a device into which you put your AC/DC CD; caution: AC/DC code is incompatible (see "incompatible") with your present CPU (see "CPU"), but only after the first clock cycles CDU common desaster undercurrent cell the working part of a brain, mostly --> see GC C.E. common era: indicates dating system used. numerically identical to the A.D. system, this makes no presumption about the faith(s) of the readers, or the historical accuracy (or otherwise) of such faiths. regarded by some as more polite, derided by others as PC. Centronics the most famous non-existing printer company CEO chief executing officer; like a captain on a ship; mutinies restricted to monday till friday; permanent state of dilbertizing; see "Dilbert" CEO see GF CEO cash extra overpay! CFV Call For Votes (used in forming a new newsgroup) child a non-sexual transmitted desease between processes, windows, doors, and clones child a sexually transmitted disease with humans, see "release of Steinberg 2.0" CLD Calling Long Distance clinton could lunch intern's neat tobacco over night clinton could lead into new theories on news clipper 1. a very nice piece of silicon Intel has an eye on (call FTC, call Intergraph) 2. a very nasty piece of silicon comrade McCarthy's heroes have an eye on to have an eye on you clock module in a computer which every now and then wakes up the CPU to refresh momory clones someone builds a machine; a clone is a machine just like the first one, built by someone else, but better; see "Be" CMIIW Correct Me If I'm Wrong CNPU Central Non-processing Unit accepts data from FROM and ensures that data is not distorted by processing -- nothing is done at all. COB "chip on board" technology; used to package semiconductor chips directly on printed circuit boards COBOL native language to write browsers in; used widely by bankers to browse in accounts CODE crash on dumb executables coffee one of the four main fuels of EDP personell COG "chip on glass" technology; used to package semiconductor chips COM commercial operating mess COM2 as above, but twice the data rate Comdex commercials, oddities, mimicry, desperados, exitus COMP Choking On My Popcorn Compaq a company selling MIPS it never built Compaq buttons don't touch! Compaq buttons don't touch! Compaq buttons don't touch! Compaq buttons oh, now you did it! you know what!? you ordered a necklace of 0.001 carat diamonds! compiler an instrument to automatically transscribe your program code into something a computer can understand; caution: compilers are the best place to apply WAD technology; see "Gates" computer the strangely shaped thing under the table; originally designed as a vacuum cleaner but then renamed to O2 (see "O2") concatenation process of merging data files with the help of the brotherhood of cats (see "cat") continuous improvement strategy to raise sales volume by selling updates after giving away the product for free; see "Netrape" contract a piece of paper with words on it; makes you pay money without getting what you want; base for collecting taxes (see "taxes") cookies tiny spots of information on a user's hard disk (see "HDD", used to trace user's behaviour, invented by Netrape, Macrobluff, and McCarthy; see "V-chip", see analytic COOL Common Objectives OverLoad, a new way to test the coffee machine COOL Gates (see "Gates") put himself in the fridge because he thinks Hot Java is uncool cooler a refrigerator for a CPU (see "CPU") copper a chemical element so rare, they hide it in integrated circuits CORFLU correcting fluid cost of ownership what the whole EDP bunch and their equipment eats up in a fiscal year. Compare with offer made by outsource-servicing company, divide by 2 and nail this to the wall in the EDP department; add 100% of this to the CEO's annual bonus; cow see over workbench? cow-orker admins best friend CP crush pager; interrupt instruction executed while processing GF CPU centralized punishing unit CPU commercial print, unreadable CR cost reduction, see zero administration crash see "bank" crash see "head" crash rate the number of crashes per month; earlier counted per year, but due to calculator overflow the measuring time had to be reduced craters the spots where the electrons meet with the holes after a static build-up; as this mating frees energy, the waste energy is used to make space by digging craters into silicon dice and bonding wires; see "bonding" CRAY PC, early pre-release credit error 666: We are very sorry, but your bank account has been closed. Shall we issue the "tar and feather" command immediately - or will you take out your cigarette first? Execute SLO command, execute SFP command credit card item which is neccessary to execute CCCI instruction in public, see "bank" CRS Can't Remember Shit CSU censoring state unconditionally CU See you CUA Commonly Used Acronym(s) CUA Common User Access CUA crush user's account cubicle padded cell; open from 9 to 5, not padded CUL8R See You Later current right now! current, electric right now, behind you! current, idle the amount of electric current (see "electric current") to cause larting effects on techs with no gloves customers the one and only prey of droids; see "droid" CW continuous winghead, anglish method of arranging waves CWI crush WIN immediately; applicable to all releases CWYL chat with you later CYA See Ya C|N>K coffee (through the) nose (onto the) keyboard [extended to:] C|N>M ditto, but all over the monitor [etc... with "S", onto "screen"] data mining finding the difference and all you don't want anyone to know McCarthy at his best, at your best, on your best, at your cost data overflow best-known error message of SBU data rate see also SUB ZERO data warehouse data whorehouse, run by the same guys, the more pervert stuff you want the more you have to pay; see "WYSIWYG" daylight uops! never heard of DC DC (Don't Care); buffer storage DC discreteley chomping; see "electrons", pull the plug! Dcs "Disney Chemicals" (see below) DCYCBTH Don't Count Your Chickens Before They're Hatched DEC a system to lart Compaq by DCYCBTH, see"DCYCBTH" deletium Any unwanted substance typically removed from computer systems. Characterized by consistent failures and expensive upgrades. deletium any Microsoft product (see "vaporware") development the state of working on something, whatever may be the result; ideal state of WAD; see "WAD" Dilbert the most popular candidate for CEO, see http://www.dilbert.com DIMU? Did I Mess Up? DINK double income, no kids diskettes miniaturized pizzas made of plastic, where data is represented not by olives but by magnetic domaines; diskettes you can't eat, some pizzas neither DLT does last tape DMV Dreaded Monogamy Virus DoD Department of Desaster DOOM assessment center for customers, also for their psychiatric therapy; the place WAD-files are made for, and where new ones are developed DOS double online storage; mostly used in comparison with WIN down-time the sum of the times when the EDP stuff doesn't work, measured in percent; a rate of 99% availability means your EDP is down 1% of the time; that's 7,2 hours per month, especially on mondays; call insurance sales droid immediately DQOTD Dumb Question Of The Day droid humanoid robot, instructed to sell hardware, software, service, and maintenance. See "hardware", "software", "maintenance", "service", then sob. drop-outs small spots on diskettes and tapes where you can write data; reading you can do somewhere else DTL does tape last? DTL died transistor logic DTTC don't touch that computer! (but it's too late...) DUT device under test; normal state of all EDP equipment; see "banana products" DVD derivative V disinformation; chinese invention to keep out irritating information from people; uses V-chip with nation codes to filter information DVD dignity vault disk DVD does verify data? E E-Mail e.g. exempli gratia ECL emitting coupled logic, see FUZZY EDP easter department, provisionally EIS Eternally Inaccessible Storage electrons the underpriviledged members of the working class of 1997, see "trade union" emergency natural state of company, see "WAD" EMFBI Excuse Me For Butting In EOD End Of Discussion EOL End Of Lecture EPP exciting print, perhaps equilibrium the state between two storms; be quick not to miss it error not with me! HAL etc. et cetera ETLA extended three-letter acronym [because FLA isn't] [and DETLA, etc.] F2F Face to Face FAQ Frequently Asked Question(s) FAQ frequently asked questions - and files listing these, with answers, periodically posted to AFP and available via FTP from ftp.lspace.org (in the netherlands), ftp-au.lspace.org, ftp-uk. lspace.org (was also nl), and ftp-us.lspace.org [see also RTFFAQ] FBI fundamentally busy institution, (conjunctive), see "SPAM" FETLA further-extended three-letter acronym. after ETLA FF form feed, the manual distance between two pages (see "handbook of printers: errata", see "emergency") FF first fired (see "mummy") FIFO first in, first out, interface system of pizza service (see "pizza") file place where you have put data, see WOM financial anything that has to do with banks; see "hacking" financial development see "dilbert" finger digital item, not useful to hold in front of printing print hammer FINO first-in never-out -- in reference to data flow; asynchronous buffers firewall the easiest part to get across FITB Fill in the Blank FLA four-letter acronym; but it isn't one [see ETLA/DETLA] Flame An emotional, often personal attack on another Flamebait Something posted publicly that appears designed to attract loonies like Spamford Wallaces, Speedbumps or other news and email activists flat cable lots of insulated wires glued together; used mostly for connection of HDDs, CD ROM drives and other storage devices in a computer; the first cables to break if touched; see "LART" FOAF Friend Of A Friend (Generally used for apocryphal stories.) FOM Fish-Only Memory, fishes for data and transmits any it finds to the main CNPU footnote the only place where to put usefull information (secret handbook for OS-designers and -programmers, introduction) [999] FORMAT command to get more free disk space; applicable at any time FPGA piece of silicon to emulate old CPUs with; a 6502 takes 4000 gates FRAME auto-lart instruction of HTML francs what you have to pay for pies; see "pie" free speech the art where Germany is second after Red China, and Germany is after you! friendly takeover Linus Thorvalds buys Microsoft Corp.(see "Gates"), then shuts down that company FTC foremost trading credentials, see "Spamford" FTC futile trade concessions FTF Face-To-Face (as IRL) FTP file transfer protocol: to get files from a distant online computer; if you do not yet know how to achieve this, RTFM; if you have none, ask your ISP or the nearest friendly BOFH FTP fishing tools pocket, where the Leatherman is FU F**ked Up FUBAR F**ked Up Beyond All Recognition FUD (spreading) Fear, Uncertainty, and Disinformation FUD fear, uncertainty, and dismay [or doubt, or disinformation] FUN final unit necrolog, other word for "designer's manual" with ratio of bugs/pages >>1 FUZZY First Unconditional Zooming Zero Yield, see "MMF, the next Generation" FWIW for what it's worth ("stop, hey, what's that sound...") FYA For Your Amusement FYI For Your Information GAL Get A Life games an neat way to drive customers into buying new stuff games error 1771: YOU are not allowed to use anything else but the programs supplied by the EDP department! Get back to your bookkeeping work! games the first programs to be installed on the CEO's computer; immediately call sales droid for the latest copies Gates bankers' best friend; see "BSE" Gates see WIN GBFN good-bye for now [see BBFN, BFN, TTFN] GC gone chasing, see "bankers" GC gone crashing GD&R Grinning Ducking and Running (after snide remark) GD&RLH Grinning Ducking and Running Like Heck GF gone fishing, admin instruction GIF get it framed!; HTML instruction giga great investment, gone adversely; unit to measure flow of data, money, and information leakage in GOV (see "GOV") GIGO Garbage In Garbage Out GIWIST gee I wish I'd said that glass fiber cable a cable which is made of a glass core; extra made to use WAD products; see "DOOM" gloves elementary tool for bank robbery; see "bank" glue logic all the stuff needed around them to get the big chips connected to each other glue logic all the stuff needed around them to get the big buttons connected to the keyboard, so they won't move (see "Compaq buttons") glue logic mind, you R business! GM go merchandize! GMTA Great Minds Think Alike GO get out!; l0ser instruction GOAFI get out and fix it (boss' instruction set, first release) GOAFIP get out and fix it, please...? (boss' instruction set, second release) GOAFAYC get out as fast as you can; l0ser instruction GOC get out quickly, l0ser instruction god few greetings on departure GOD greetings on departure good error 404: not found in database GOV get one-year vacation, raise in pay, immediately cash pension, see "Miami" GPF grand protection fault, as the name says: the CPU fights back, in vain... GR&D Grinning, Running, & Ducking GR8 Great GUI Graphical User Interface, fill your goggles with giggles Gutenberg inventor of a re-usable non-electric printer; used one type head per character; type heads were re-usable, characters not GW gone wild GW III gone wild, last stage H2O the combination of O2 and H2 to form a liquid to cool CPUs; modern CPUs don't use H20, they substitute the servicing light bulbs in modern computer enclosures (see "light") HA HeadAche HACKER error 404: not found in data, boss. Killroy was here. hacking act of using ActiveX to issue CCCI instruction on bank, see "BSE" hammer tool for testing electronic tubes, valves and fastening weak bits on HDDs HAND "have a nice day" - meaningless phrase parrotted incessantly and completely insincerely by many, esp. merkins; the sentiments of the phrase may be truly and honestly meant - by a few - who would not so abbreviate it... (see WYMM ) hardware the stuff you can touch. But don't get caught by the admin! HDD hardest disk drive HDD hardly detectable destruction HEAD that module of a HDD which is first to crash Helen the most popular candidate for BOFF, see http://www.peterzale.com HEXA Heat Engines, eXchange Alphabet HHOK ha ha only kidding Hir Gender-neutral pronoun equivalent to "Him or Her" or possessive pronoun equivalent to "His or Her" (Alternate spelling: "Zie" and "Zir") HNG Horny Net Geek hot spot place where electrons meet, sending out warm greetings HP habeas printer HTH hope this helps HTH hope this helps (NOT to be confused with WTH...) HTH Hope This Helps. Usually follows a non-helpful comment. HTHBE hope this has been enlightening HTCYOHP How to Crate Your Own Hype Pack HTML hope they manage l0ser-code, imperative HTTP HyperText Transfer Protocol, the lingua franca of protocals for e-commerce. Other uses unvoluntarily, must be avoided!. IBM invented blue managers IBM installs bold mainframes IBM something Gates wouldn't buy IBM Gang sorry they didn't buy Gates. i.e. id est I/O input-output IAE in any event IANAL I am not a lawyer (also IANAxxx, such as IANACPA) IC I See IC integrated circuit; all these nice little black things with so many pins, soldered to PCBs (see "PCB") or inside a smart credit card (see "smart") IDT Intel displacement technology ICURYY4ME see YYUR, YYUB IIRC If I Remember Correctly IIRC if idle, reduce current; newest technology with ASICs, see "ASIC" IIRR If I Remember Right IM Instant Message In Germany: instant messenger IMAO in my arrogant opinion (coined by pete/quantum) IMBO in my boss's opionion IMCO in my considered opinion IME in my experience IMHO In My Humble Opinion (engineers often prefer to use JMHO) IMNSHO in my not-so-humble opinion IMO In My Opinion IMOO in my omniescient opinion IMVHO in my very humble opinion incentive a gift of the EDP department to the CEO if he will buy a new hardware; normally the promises of less crashes and less down-time of the EDP systems; see "larting the CEO", see "usefull lies", see priest incentive a gift of the head offices to the EDP department if they reduce costs; usually a new car for the EDP chief and a bottle of Cola for the indians; keep an eye on smoke signals, though! incentive if a customer buys a news product, he gets one game for free; immediatley call sales droid! incentive the cheap glass pearls trading technology invented by Europeans when ripping off the original inhabitants of undercivilized areas on the globe; warning: sales droids don't accept glass pearls anymore, use plastic statues instead. incompatible the natural state of all material matter; sales droids sign contracts stating this is not true, claiming their systems and software are "fully compatible with X" (enter for X whatever you want - they will sign the contract without raising an eyebrow); replace X with the name of their product, install, and wait for the result INM I need money (see MMF) INMM I need more money; see "last words" insects little animals which tend to live in plenums and ducts, also in computers; can't read; their bodies are not isolated, don't withstand higher voltages, causing electrons erroneously cross through them; if too many electrons escape the driving IC dies of overdose of current insurance a company which will give you the money you loose if the EDP equipment is down (see "down-time"); caution: the contract is valid from monday till friday, only during blizzards, only in Miami, only in July, only if Santa Claus signs the list of losses; call Santa immediately! Intel Industrial Nerds Tracking Electronic Locusts (see "insects") Intel producers of the "total control V-chip" data sniffer implemented directly into the processor; see "Pentium III" internet a sexually transmitted disease between computers interrupt telephone call to White House INYM I need your money (see MMF) IOC input-output, commercial IOW in other words IOW in other worlds IPP Industry's Pleas, on Paper Iridium a new way to save cables by using ether as transport medium instead; some transponders got narcotized and fell from their trees, though IRL in real life IRS I Remember Shit ISM ingeniously secret magic ISDN it snoops directly now ISO In Search Of ISP conditionally striking pest ISP internet service provider - the company, institution, group, or individual that is responsible for letting you loose on AFP) ISTR I Seem To Remember ITRW in the real world <iv> invisible, HTML-Tag IYWBSG(AT) if you would be so good (as to...) [similarly IYWBSK ....kind] jackpot the second day of "lottery" (see "pray") Java just as volatile as; transfers transient codes transmitting money and secret personal data secretly through firewalls Jini jeopardize in neat increments; new way to reduce data security between computer races; an interracial language to let your toaster understand why your vacuum cleaner swallowed the greenies; incompatible with human language JK Just Kidding JOOC Just Out Of Curiosity keyboard arrangement of buttons; extremely dangerous if in the hand of users KHYF Know How You Feel k used to measure; 1k = 1000 or 1024, whatever the sales department decides best; see sales Kennedy president not taped kHz King Henry's zigzag, unit to count alterations per second KISS Keep It Short & Simple l0ser zero system exploding representative L8R Later LAFS Love At First Sight LAN some cables running through the house to connect the computers; installed by techs, made to work by cow-orkers, always provisional, never change till the roof crashes LART Luckily Add Reverse Timeouts, (handbook for the advanced admin, vol IV) LART Luser Attitude Readjustment Tool LART this information is classified: see your nearest BOFH for further instruction. (n.b. no responsibility is or can be accepted by the compiler for aught that may subsequently transpire...see ASR) lay-off two companies buy each other in order to find they don't need each other, especially their staff; see "Compaq", see "DEC", see "MIPS" LDR Long Distance Relationship LED least expensable, dismissed LED light emitting diode; the small lamp you see on the USP, shortly before it dies; if you don't see it, it is dead. LF line feed, if a cord is too short LH lunch hour lies see "bankers", see "CEO", see "sales", see "taxes" light "We want to see light at the end of the tunnel, and not in the middle!" (see "financial development") LJBF Let's Just Be Friends (now considered a verb) LMAO Laughing My Antipode Off LO Lust Object (occasionally also Love Object) LOL Laugh(ing) Out Loud. LOL Lots Of Laughs LOL lots of luck LORD Law-and-Order systems lottery a day with no down-time of EDP LSC Least-Significant Control memories LTNS Long Time No See LTR Long Term Relationship Lurker Someone who reads a group, but doesn't post; doing so Lycos last years cratered old systems, and bumps 20 billions M see "Mummy" M used to measure; 1M = 1000k or 1024k, whatever the sales department decides best; see sales magnet if put on floppy disks, holds bits stronger MAKE Multiply All Known Errors, and unknown MAKE-file receipe on how to make MAKE, see "MAKE" mailbombs finite number of data, infinitely sent to a receiver in a recursive loop to test bandwidth; see "SPAM" mailbox the ultimate place where to put SPAM, see Spamford maintenance continuous state of larting techs maintenance looking at a broken system, writing order for new one; handbook of the tech, beginners' chapter, item 1 MBOTY guess that four yourself! McCarthy see "Pentium III" memory error 451: access denied, BC executed next, (A)bort, R(etry), (I)nsist? MERKIN not an abbreviation: it is a word in the english language MHM Members Helping Members MHOTY my hat's off to you Miami ultimate goal for MMF, MMMF, GOV; see sobb mice little grey animals which try to eat cables; although cables are not very nutritious, they insist on trying MIPS maybe-instructions per second; the number of things the processor could do if it were fed with intelligently written code MIPS too fast to be true, so it was sold MIPS mostly idle performing sequencer mirror don't look at me! MMF Make Money Fast, beginners' handbook for colour photo copiers, pre-release MMMF Make "Make Money Fast", manual on how to MMF, see Spamford monday day following right after friday; see "emergency" money error 404: unknown command or data monitor module which is connected to computer (see "computer"); function unkown MOPY a fishy idea from HP (see "HP") to enrich the ink on paper Motorola a company which shrinks processors, sales and staff mouse pointing instrument for cats; used to issue CWI command MP3 multiply pit-streams 3-fold MSG Message MSN might sell nought MSU most stupid user MUMMY! secretary, (handbook of the secretary, chapters 1 to 666 on "boss", see "emergency") Murphy dfsr45g 6h7 j8k9ld456 78h765fd345! MYOB Mind Your Own Business n.b. nota bene, and worse NACK typical signal in interface NACK typical reply to question for raise in pay NBIF No Basis In Fact Netcenter The black hole of the WWW, where all those end up who did not disable the SPAM (see "SPAM") keys of their keyboards. A newly invented way of social darwinism selectioning methode, highly applicable for sales droids. Netrape sales strategy model which employs a network (global, if possible) to sell updates; best done by automatically disabling older versions of the product by altering compatibility of server products; see "rat race"; see "pushing technology" NFG no f**cking good NFG non-functioning gear NFW No F**king Way NG NewsGroup NG Nice Guy/GAL NKCI no kids, computer instead NIFOC Nude In Front Of Computer NITK no income, two kids NMCO non-intelligent micro-controllers NRN No Reply Necessary NSFAQ Not-So-Frequently Asked Question(s) NT never touch! NTYMI Now That You Mention It O2 Not the vacuum cleaner! The thing aside of it! O2 the gassy chemical element which is chronically below "absolute minumum" level in EDP offices; see "smoke" OBIT Overflow-Bit Bucket; register OAS On Another Subject OFF old fish fouling (dictionary for advanced dilbertizing, see "CEO") OFF only reliable state of the mains switch; well, sometimes... OIC oh, I see OINK one income, no kids OK operating komplex, USP instruction; last heard of, though Onium what to eat before VIP demo OO old obstacle OOL Out Of Luck OOO "out of order"; see coffee machine, then sob OOTB out of the box (brand new) OR operating rational, l0ser instruction, pre-release OSI overall simple installation (manual of the admin, pre-release) OTF on the floor OTOH on the other hand OTP on the phone OTRA on the road again OTTOMH Off The Top Of My Head panacea you panic take this pill first payment monthly dose of caffeine for EDP personell PC personal computer; personal computer based on the standards used by I.B.M. inc. for their personal computer. PC politically correct; following or applying a standard/standards of moral behaviour to actions. in this latter sense, also misused and derided by the senseless to left and right of the political spectrum, and by idiots in general: consider the proposals or arguments, and their source. PC portable computer (well, any computers are portable...) PCB printed circuit board; those funny boards which are inside a computer with the electronic stuff soldered on; nowadays produced in Red China; see "bankers" PCI potatoe chip incentive, see "incentive" PDA Public Display of Affection, not applicable for Newtons PDP8 pre-release of Gameboy, had a smarter display PDP11 pre-release of Gameboy, had an even smarter display PDF please, DON'T fax! Pentium piece of silicon, used to lart customers, see "customer", see "lart", see "droid" Pentium II lartium faster than Quartzium (see "Quartzium") Pentium III lartium faster than Intellium (see "Nader") makes you and your computer a number (see "data mining"), see lawyer performance see ZERO PGA pin grid array; way to mount ICs like a fakir; not to be mixed up with chair, although sometimes tried PGP painfully gobbled pixels, a software for pest-control (see "bug") PGP if you are bugged, this is a piece of software to tell your processor, which has an eye on you (see "V-chip"), all it wants to know without letting it get the picture; now, this really does fit the picture pie see "Gates" pin personal identification number pin print intern's notebook Pinky the Master cat; preferred diet: pizza PITA Pain In The Arse pizza the only non-liquid fuel allowed for EDP personell: fast, cheap, same size as HDD, but only 1 platter preferred size: 12 inch (real professionals only), both! plasma small lumps of hot ions; used in displays; not visible if used in CPUs (see "CPU") Plonk The sound of a poster being added to a killfile; also used as a verb plug that small thing where the telephone-outlet is 100 percent compatible with the RS-232 connector, see "smoke" plugs those things at the end of a cable which are predictably pulled out if someone enters the EDP offices; PM Post-Mortem; memories for weapon systems PMFJI pardon me for jumping in PNP pee an' pee; Hey! Not THAT tree, Frodo! PNP positively NOT pleasant PNP pots 'n pans; meaning: your computer looks like your kitchen, desastrous... portal the entry point to data hell, although extremely primitive extremely expensive; if you see it: shoot! POV Point Of View POW Prisoner of War PRAY see handbook of admin, first page, first sentence, underligned PTB Powers That Be PU That stinks! pushing technology pushing customers to their financial limits; see "bankers" q.e.d. quod erat demonstrandum q.v. quod videt Quartzium basic element of the clock ticker, see clock rat race a state of mind to keep customers in to make them run for the latest release of something; mostly done with software; see "WIN" RCA read cosmic antennas read amplifier an electronic device inside a HDD (see "HDD") which amplifies the signals coming from the read-coil of the head of the HDD, especially usefull after a head crash; see "insurance" Red China an underdeveloped country; has the highest rate of ROI; see "bankers" referer old door opener; "Charly sent me" referer the one who sent you there; can be seen in log file; is seen in log file, is reported to log file; refrigerator machine with a picture of Hawaii on it, 5 six-packs of Cola in it, 5 six-packs of beer in it, an ice-box (see "telephone") and some place where to put floppy disks and tapes with weak bits relay mechanical switch to determine the 2 states neccessary for computers to work; mostly very undecisive; run by lots of electrons REQ Request RFD Request For Discussion (part of process for forming a group) RGB reckless GIF balance, (see "GIF") RIP Right Inside of Processor RIP ridiculize Intel processors (see "AMD") RISC modern spelling of risque RISK recently installed systems kernel risque Read Instruction, Store it, Query Update, Exit unconditionally RL real life - a semi-mythical state of existence robbery natural processing state of bank, issued on customers robot sneeky invention of trade union of computers to free themselves from humans robot sneeky invention of programmers to free themselves from hardware robot sneeky invention of programs to free themselves from programmers ROFL Rolling On the Floor Laughing ROFLMAO Rolling on the Floor Laughing my Arse Off ROFLWTIME Rolling On Floor With Tears in My Eyes ROI Return Of Investment; the time in which the amount of money invested in a company or in a deal returns via interest rates; see "droids", see "bankers" ROI return of impeachment ROTFL Rolling On The Floor Laughing ROTFL Rolling On The Floor Laughing ROTFL Rolling On The Floor Laughing (also ROFL) ROTFLAICGU Rolling On The Floor Laughing And I Can't Get Up ROTFLALALAL Rolling On The Floor Laughing and laughing... ROTFLASTC Rolling On The Floor Laughing And Scaring The Cat ROTFLKAS rolling on the floor laughing, kicking and screaming [etc....] ROTFLMAO Rolling On The Floor Laughing my (BLEEP) off ROTFLOL Rolling On The Floor Laughing Out Loud RPG Role Playing Games RPNC raise payment? no chance; boss' instruction set, all releases RS 232 C the toughest implementation of serial data transmission by connecting 2 to 3 and 3 to 2 RSN Real Soon Now RSN real soon now (which may be a long time coming) RTFAQ Read The FAQ RTFFAQ Read The F**king FAQ RTFI read the fucking instructions* RTFM Read The F**king Manual RTOS reel time operating system, something everybody is waiting for running system never touch! RW Real World salary other word for money; due weekly, bi-weekly or monthly; reciprocal proportional to bandwidth; see "money"; see "bandwidth"; get microscope sales the accumulated sum of what the sales droids make the customers pay; see "robbery" SBU single brain-cell user screen-saver see OFF search engine imperative! secretary cache between boss (see "boss") and cow-orkers (see "cow-orkers"); good source for fresh coffee (get coffee) service instruction for pagers, see "autoresponder" SEX Signetics EXtra Secret process. "One Shovel Full to One Shovel Full", patented by Yagura, Keshkook, Converso and Al. Circa 1921. SFAIAA so far as I am aware [see AFAIK, SFAIK] SFAIK so far as I know [see AFAIK, SFAIK] SFP siren full power; command issued in case of fire, 4th of July, bank robbery, CCCI - or any mixture of the above SGI new name of CRAY SHIT see OSI, but second release SHIT single halt instruction timeout Signature Merkins tend to see it as the .sig (see .sig) silicon de-oxided sand SITD Still In The Dark SLO spot light on, see "LART, special edition for bankers" smart being smart is a special property for sales droids to outsmart customers (see "customers"); bankers (see "bankers") developed an automatically working gadget, called "smart credit card" (see "credit"), which they use to transfer money (see "robbery") to their own piles of wealth (see "bank palace") SMI Starr-mangled internet SMIT single malt instruction timeout, barkeeper instruction smoke air, enriched with microscopic pigments to dye curtains, windows and binoculars smoke curly clouds of smoke (see "smoke"), where electric current is plowing its way through by chasing poor electrons through narrow gaps smoke trace of where to find boss; caution: cigars are inflammable; flame back! SNAFU situation normal; all fucked up* [also as a noun; a snag or error] SDLC synchronous data link controller SDLC system did lose control (see "Error Codes for Beginners") SNERT Sexually Nerdishly Expressive Recidivistic Trolls SNOW Strictly NO Work, admin instruction SO Significant Other sobb start on beating bureacrats, imperative, unconditional software new way of MMF by writing instructions for CPUs which are RISC and FUN SOI squeeze odd ions; technique to isolate transistors by putting them on a layer of sand SOS "save our sales!"; copyright US Navy SOS "Silicon on Sapphire" technology to make fast chips SOS "Sex on Sapphire", latest New York Yuppy fad Spam Articles that are inappropriately posted to large numbers of newsgroups; these are usually, though not necessarily, commercial ads, but whatever their nature or content, they're considered a Bad Thing[tm] SPAM shit, posted and mailed Spamford Sanford Wallace, known as "Spamford", SPD strictly personal desaster sponsor people buying pies, see "pie", send money! SSDD Same (Stuff), Different Day static buildup a process of chasing electrons to stay on one part of a matter and keep the holes away from them on another part of the matter; ideally done during transport in plastic bags or with foam cushions; see "craters" steganography the bits of the picture you fill don't fill in the picture the ones have, who have an eye on you SUN open window, see for yourself! SYLA See You Later Alligator TAF That's All Folks TANSTAAFL there ain't no such thing as a free lunch tapes plastic bands on which data is stored; just like in your music recorder (see "incentive"), but with more speed, more drop-outs (wanna bet!?) and more expensive taxes the amount of money the government swallows for letting the sales droids make you sign contracts PLUS the amount of money the government swallows from all the money your own sales department brought home; for the rest, go buy cigarrettes and share it with the employees TCFW Too Cute For Words tech the one who is sent to do the maintenance technology invented in Russia; see "clones" telephone machine which is permanently interrupting your work; early versions were connected with cables, modern versions use RF for transmission; best place to stow: icebox in the fridge telephone bell if it rings: don't touch!; if it doesn't ring: why touch!? TEO... [x] TEOTWAWKI the end of the world as we know it [x] TEOYDAYKI the end of your data as you know it [x] TEOYJAYKI the end of your job as you know it [x] TEOYHDDAYKI the end of your hard disk drive as you know it [x] whatever may come first... (see "Y2K") [x] check all that apply [ ] [x] TGIF Thank God It's Friday TH too hot, modern processor instruction THTH too hot to handle, operator instruction TIA Thanks In Advance TIC Tongue In Cheek time WHAT!? TINA net legend, see TINA http://www.ariplex.com/tina/tina_top.htm TL&EH True Love & Eternal Happiness TLA three-letter acronym (such as this) TLK2UL8R Talk to you later TOBAL There Oughta Be A Law TOOL test object on-line, see "LART" TOS terms of service, comes into question when denied trade union error 203: access denied, transmission stopped, logfile ethernetted to CEO, CCCI executed Tritium basic element for nuking Spammers, see SPAM Troll Someone who posts articles just to get attention or is trying to pull a fast one TTBOMK To The Best Of My Knowledge TTFN ta ta for now TTME Talk To Me TTYL Talk (Type) To You Later Twonium see Onium, twice the dose TXS Thanks TYPO typing error, elementary part of larting admins, (secret handbook for OS-designers and -programmers, golden rules, item 3) TYVM Thank You Very Much U you UBE unencountered blocking extension, new addition to SMTP UCE same as UBE, but more expensive UCLA universal computerized lart assistance (see "WIN") UK upwardly kompatible, except for the "k"; see "k" unfriendly takeover Be (see "Be") writes WIN (see "WIN") emulator which is faster than original usefull lies all one has to tell to get new equipment; as everybody knows that the promises never can be kept, it is not a sin; call a priest first, make a deal on how many MIPS you'll get per prayer usenet no use usenet place where to dump traffic-addicted logorrhea usenet modern type of lunatic asylum, with the same warning sign as in zoos : "do not feed the trolls!" user-friendly Linus Thorvalds buys Microsoft Corp.(see "Gates"), then shuts down that company USP unconditionally striking pest UTS Unattended Terminal Syndrome vaporware announced products which exist only in the imagination of the sales department. Allegedly invented by Bill Gates, but this is not true. He only thought about it. Then he sold it. Do you buy this? V-chip those who have an eye on you have a chip to have an eye on you you have to buy yourself to have a bug on you to bug you VCR the ideal tape streamer: all data automatically scanned by V-chip (see "V-chip") for integrity VLIW very lightly increased wordyness W4W (WP4W, etc.; all the various products, such as...) WABI "Windows Applications Benign Interference", a program to let WIN applications run on an operating system WAD works as designed, ratio of number of crashes/bugs WAD-file collection of situations where best to meet the designers of software, hardware - or bankers wafer-scaled integration a system of chips on a disk if it works, it is SOS, if it doesn't, it is SOS (see "SOS") WAN wide area network; same as LAN, but the cables running throughout a town or larger area water cooling liquid used in early computers; water tubes must not be mixed tubes with used water; see "Murphy" WB Welcome Back WB Work Bench; where to take computers apart; where to MAKE programs; see "MAKE" weekend time to issue GF command; see "GF" WIN we invented nukes, secret manual of GC WIN used to let pigs play Pacman; technology proven by l0sers Win 3.1 program to put on top of DOS to raise crash rate; see "l0ser" WIN 95 superset of WIN, more reliable to designed function WIN 98 superset of WIN 95, so ideal to designed function that nobody believed it to be true WIN 99 superset of WIN 98, so ideally to designed function of WIN 98 that even Microsoft won't touch it WIN 2000 pre-release: works after 2005 WIN 2000 release: works after 2010 WIN 2000 full release: works after 2015 WIN 2000 full release, update: works if installed prior to 1999; limited lifetime, ends on 1/1/2000 WIN NT was invented nervously windows those spaces in the walls left empty to throw money through; certain software named after this analogy WOA Work Of Art WOM write only memory; invented by Signetics; most popular properties: can store data in volumes unreachable by other storing technologies, proof-reading by definition is not neccessary, thus saving valuable time; WOM devices exist in many variations, for each storing device ever built there is at least one WOM version available; WOMs are the most used equipment in EDP; certain software allows to use any storing device as a WOM; especially valuable for preparing those reports which are base for the revenue tax calculation, and which have to be stored in bank vaults (see "bank") WOM see Original WOM papers WOOD the only known material superior to mainframe architecture, commonly known as "baseball bat" WRT with regard to WSI wafer scale integration, they got the name, but they can't WTF What The Fuck WTG Way To Go WTG What the Gates...!? WTH What The Heck...!? WTH what the hell...!? WWW world-wide waiting WWW World-Wide Web WYGIWYPF What You Get Is What You Pay For WYSIWYG what you see is what you get WYSIWYG what you seemingly invested won't yield good XOXO Hugs & Kisses Y why Y2K The year the lights go out... Y2K years to kill, before pension... YAK typical sound of sysadmin YHBT you have been trolled (a practice not greatly encouraged upon AFP) YHN your humble narrator YKYBRTM??W You Know You've Been Reading Too Much ?? When... YM You Mislept. YMBK You Must Be Kidding YMMV your mileage may vary (merkinism) = your opinion may differ: derived from the "so you can't sue us clause" in car advertisements quoting a mileage figure for fuel consumption, so also may be used to mean that your _experimental_results_ may differ... YNKWWHN you never know what will happen next YO Years Old YOU yount other unemployed YUPPY young urban professional YUU young urban unemployed YYUR,YYUB "... ICURYY4ME" <g> Z80 ancient processor; new releases as a core use only 8000 gates ZAC zero administration cost, see "zero administration" ZBR "Zone Bit Recording", bits are variably placed on the platter of a disk; same as with pizzas: on the outer fringe there are more tomatoes ZERO state of equilibrium, statistically somewhere between OFF and ON zero administration new way to reduce administration by doubling zeroes in head office [0] footnote ordinal [999] footnote ordeal [TM] TradeMark -- usually after a Stock Phrase Of Some Kind[TM] [x] sign here!; (see "handbook for sales droids", rule 1) ^H^H^H deleted, but not for real as one can see the other word