List of Acronyms

mainly BOFHish, some English

and other valuables in EDP

Copyright © 1997-1999
Copyright © 1997-1999
Antares Real-Estate


List of abbreviations, acronyms, expressions, hopes

For all ye English readers, I have added some humble lines of my new 
dictionary on net income. Additions welcome, addictions as well. 
Corrections impossible, all entries 100% proven correct on a Gates 
machine (see "Gates").

A                         well, you have to start somewhere..., even if it is at the 
                          wrong place  
<AOL>                     Going into AOL user mode.  
                          Example: <aol>Me too!!!</aol>
<bg>                      big grin
<g>                       "grin"
<g>                       grin
<s>                       smile
<VBG>                     Very Big Grin
<VBMG>                    Very big Mega Grin
 .sig                     A short, standardized message tacked on to the 
                          end of a news group article or email
1O Q                      Thank You
1O1                       One On One
2                         To, Too, Two
8086                      old piece of silicon, no commercial value
80186                     see 8086
80786                     piece of silicon Intel could not build 
                          (see "Intel")
A.D.                      anno domini; a dating system based on a mistaken 
                          interpretation of some unusual pregnancy
ADA                       progamming language 
ADA                       progamming language 
ADA                       progamming language 
ADA                       progamming language 
ADA                       progamming language 
ADA                       still a programming language 
ADSL                      a daringly strange line, see plumber
A.S.R.           (see LART)
AAMOF                     As A Matter Of Fact
ABAP                      As BOFH As Possible
ABP                       alt.books.pratchett - a strictly serious newsgroup 
                          devoted to the rigorous analysis of the works of a 
                          lesser-known humourist
accounting                see "hacking"
ADN                       Any Day Now
ADSL                      actually data spoiling litter; a means of transporting 
                          data on water tubes, may the water be used or not 
ADSL                      Adds Data on Supply Line 
ADSL                      Archives Data, Secret Leak 
AFAIK                     as far as i know [see SFAIK, see SFAIAA]
AFAIK                     As Far As I Know.
AFK                       absent from keyboard
AFK                       Away From Keyboard
AFK/W/B                   Away from Keyboard/Window/Brain
AFP              (news group)
altavista                 the higher you get, the deeper you fall 
AMD                       added more design 
AMS                       artificial memory systems  
animated GIF              an I-mated GIF; mates with other GIFs; a simple way to 
                          slow down computers to mate with intelligence of user; 
                          computers still seem to be faster, though; see "GIF" 
AOL                       add only lunatics, then buy Netrape (see "Netrape") 
APPLE                     a company which tried to buy Be (see "Be"), but 
                          didn't swallow the price; they swallowed the CEO 
                          (see "CEO"); some new Jobs are for free, see Jobs
AQL                       accepted questionable level; measured in percent of 
                          unanswered complaints 
ASAP                      as soon as possible
ASCII                     American Standard Code for Information Interchange; 
                          technically, this refers to the encoding scheme 
                          whereby the internally stored binary numbers used by 
                          computers correspond to human-readable symbols like 
                          "A", but in common usage on the net, ASCII 
                          also refers to anything that's made of standard text 
                          characters:  "@>--,--`---" is an ASCII 
                          rose, for example.
ASCII                     "All Systems can Interfere Ideally" (see 
ASIC                      all systems in ceramic; coke-proof edition for 
                          overworked techs
ASK                       no!
ASQ                       Another Stupid Question
assembler                 a person screwing together a computer; modern 
                          speech analysis on the living object calls for 
                          writing it as "a person screwing up a computer"
assembler                 an instrument to automatically transscribe your 
                          program code into something a computer can 
                          understand;  the difference between an assembler and 
                          a compiler is the lower level of commands you are 
                          allowed to use; interestingly enough is the fact 
                          that "normal" programmers don't understand assembler 
                          languages, but who is normal in EDP business, 
                          anyway?; caution: compilers are the best place to 
                          apply WAD technology; see "Gates"
ATM                       Asynchronous Transfer Mode
ATM                       At The Moment 
ATM                       Automatic Teller Machine
ATSL                      Along The Same Line
autoresponder             implementation of the latest Fuzzy technology (see 
                          "fuzzy"), elementary part of all new equipment to 
                          answer every request it gets with GC, see GC
AWGTHTGTTA                Are We Going To Have To Go through This Again?
B.C.                      "before christ" [see B.C.E., A.D., C.E.]
B.C.E.                    a system for dating years prior to the first year 
                          C.E./A.D. counting is retrograde, by the number of 
                          years by which a given year preceded the start of 
                          the C.E./A.D. calendar. 
B4                        Before
B4N                       Bye For Now
ba*d                      bastard
BAC                       By Any Chance
back                      the place behind of which things happen
backbone                  the cable which has the highest data rate; if you 
                          have only telephone cables, it is called PABX and 
                          sets you back dramatically, no good for your image!, 
                          call LAN sales droid 
backup                    storing all data from the HDDs (see "HDD") on a tape 
                          or other cheap medium; mostly done on tape (see 
                          "tape"); making a backup is the ultimate form of a 
                          WOM (see "WOM")
BAK                       Back At Keyboard
banana products           fuzzy technology used in development to reach 
                          highest WAD excellence; done by permanently 
                          redefining design goal; see "continuous improvement"
bandwidth                 the invisible one of the four fuels of admins; needed
                          to make mailbombs; see "mailbombs"
banner                    a square on the screen to ban useful information, very  
                          informative, see "cookies", see "data mining"
bank                      see "accounting"
bank                      see "money"
bank palace               place where the bankers (see "bankers") work (see 
                          "droids") and where they stow their gold and 
                          jewelry, currencies, and reports to their 
                          stockholders; look out of the window!
bankers                   the only persons bosses are afraid of, except for 
                          Mummy (see "Mummy")
BBFN                      'bye-'bye for now [see BFN, GBFN, TTFN]
BBS                       Be Back Soon / Shortly
BBS                       Bulletin Board Systems
BC                        before clocktick, last known state of CPU
BC                        branch and crash, processor instruction
BCC                       before clocktick crash, see USP
BCC                       branch and crash console, operator instruction
BCC                       break console and curse, ("in case of emergency", 
                          operator manual, part III)
BCNU                      Be Seeing You
BD                        Brain Dead
BDTIM                     Big Dummie That I Am
BDTM                      Big Dummie That's Me
Be                        a set of programs to make a computer work; will not 
                          stay in business for long as it is too good to be 
                          let true; see "bankers"
beer                      one of the four basic fuels of EDP personell; 
                          filling quantum rising till friday; highest rate: 
                          monday morning, but this is a strictly personal and 
                          individual imagination
bench marks               bench marks don't lie; liers make benchmarks
BFD                       Big Deal!
BFN                       'bye for now [see BBFN, GBFN, TTFN]
BIF                       Basis In Fact
binaries                  see usenet; don't be caught!
BION                      Believe It Or Not
blue screen               a technique to display scenes on a separate background; 
                          widely used by WIN l0users (tautology), with a blue 
                          foreground and no background
bo                        bastardly overthrown 
BO                        back office; where to meet Al Capone's heirs
BO                        back orifice; see CDC
BO2K                      Windows NT (see "WAD") is now Back-Orifice-compatible
BOFH                      bastard operator from hell: sys(tem)admin(istrator) 
                          - or, "the tech who knows how these ******* 
                          things work" (see LART)
BOFF                      best organized friendly feline 
BOL                       Be On (the) Lookout
Bond                      a state-employed hacker; always equipped with some 
                          new gadgets designed by a brilliant researcher; 
                          see "M"
bonding                   silicon chips have no pluggable connectors but are 
                          connected by using thin wires which are welded onto 
                          special areas; the work of welding is called 
                          bonding; see "Bond"
BRAIN                     least recently used module, see l0ser
BRB                       be right back
browser                   piece of software where to enter soft and where who 
                          and where and why and when; see "cookies"
BSE                       Best System Executables, item no 102 of ActiveX 
                          manual, special edition for bankers; see "bankers"
BTDT                      Been There, Done That
BTG                       better than Gates, i.e. all 
BTO                       build to order, new version of "be prepared"
BTO                       Built To be Ordered, former version of BTO (see "BTO")
BTSOOM                    beats the shit out of me 
BTW                       by the way
BUG                       brilliant and ultimate goal
bug                       small insect  
BWG                       Big Wide Grin
BYKTA                     But You Know That Already
C                         see
C                         and if you still don't see it, then it is C++  
C++                       rat race (see "rat race") version of C 
C64                       we still don't know 
CABAL                     a covert association of conspirators, frequently one 
                          attempting to wrest control of an organisation; or, 
                          actually having succeeded in taking control, that 
                          chooses to keep its existence - and the extent of 
                          its powers - hidden from all but its own members. 
                          the acronym was formed from the initial letters of 
                          the first group of plotters to be so identified, and 
                          is therefore in origin an acroeponym.
cables                    those long things with plugs at the end; cables have 
                          a certain knack in their psychology to lie on the 
                          ground there, where someone is most certain to step 
                          on them and thus pull the plug
camera                    the well-hidden module which is connected to the 
                          company's LAN to show everybody the momentary state 
                          of the coffee machine; see "secretary"
cat                       see mouse
CB                        coffee break 
CB                        continuuous breakdown; state of EDP department; 
                          somehow related to government, though 
CCC                       Computer Cash Consultants (see "CCC")
CCC                       Computer Crash Consultants (see "CCC")
CCC                       chatty cheeks chorus 
CCC                       collect cashiers' codes 
CCCC                      the Government's new Civilian Computer Conservation 
CCCI                      crunch credit card immediately; see "credit" 
CCRS                      Chronic Can't Remember Shit
CDC                       constant danger condition 
CDC                       could develop chronic 
CD ROM drive              a device into which you put your AC/DC CD; caution: 
                          AC/DC code is incompatible (see "incompatible") with 
                          your present CPU (see "CPU"), but only after the 
                          first clock cycles
CDU                       common desaster undercurrent
cell                      the working part of a brain, mostly --> see GC
C.E.                      common era: indicates dating system used. 
                          numerically identical to the A.D. system, this makes 
                          no presumption about the faith(s) of the readers, or 
                          the historical accuracy (or otherwise) of such 
                          faiths. regarded by some as more polite, derided by 
                          others as PC.
Centronics                the most famous non-existing printer company
CEO                       chief executing officer; like a captain on a ship; 
                          mutinies restricted to monday till friday; permanent 
                          state of dilbertizing; see "Dilbert"
CEO                       see GF
CEO                       cash extra overpay!
CFV                       Call For Votes (used in forming a new newsgroup) 
child                     a non-sexual transmitted desease between processes, 
                          windows, doors, and clones
child                     a sexually transmitted disease with humans, see 
                          "release of Steinberg 2.0"
CLD                       Calling Long Distance
clinton                   could lunch intern's neat tobacco over night
clinton                   could lead into new theories on news 
clipper                   1. a very nice piece of silicon Intel has an eye on 
                          (call FTC, call Intergraph)
                          2. a very nasty piece of silicon comrade McCarthy's 
                          heroes have an eye on to have an eye on you
clock                     module in a computer which every now and then wakes 
                          up the CPU to refresh momory
clones                    someone builds a machine; a clone is a machine just 
                          like the first one, built by someone else, but 
                          better; see "Be"
CMIIW                     Correct Me If I'm Wrong
CNPU                      Central Non-processing Unit accepts data from FROM and 
                          ensures that data is not distorted by processing -- 
                          nothing is done at all. 
COB                       "chip on board" technology; used to package 
                          semiconductor chips directly on printed circuit boards 
COBOL                     native language to write browsers in; used widely by 
                          bankers to browse in accounts 
CODE                      crash on dumb executables
coffee                    one of the four main fuels of EDP personell
COG                       "chip on glass" technology; used to package 
                          semiconductor chips 
COM                       commercial operating mess
COM2                      as above, but twice the data rate
Comdex                    commercials, oddities, mimicry, desperados, exitus
COMP                      Choking On My Popcorn
Compaq                    a company selling MIPS it never built 
Compaq buttons            don't touch!
Compaq buttons            don't touch!
Compaq buttons            don't touch!
Compaq buttons            oh, now you did it! you know what!? you ordered a necklace 
                          of 0.001 carat diamonds! 
compiler                  an instrument to automatically transscribe your 
                          program code into something a computer can 
                          understand; caution: compilers are the best place to 
                          apply WAD technology; see "Gates"
computer                  the strangely shaped thing under the table; 
                          originally designed as a vacuum cleaner but then 
                          renamed to O2 (see "O2")
concatenation             process of merging data files with the help of the 
                          brotherhood of cats (see "cat")
continuous improvement    strategy to raise sales volume by selling updates 
                          after giving away the product for free; see 
contract                  a piece of paper with words on it; makes you pay 
                          money without getting what you want; base for 
                          collecting taxes (see "taxes") 
cookies                   tiny spots of information on a user's hard disk (see 
                          "HDD", used to trace user's behaviour,  
                          invented by Netrape, Macrobluff, and McCarthy; see 
                          "V-chip", see analytic
COOL                      Common Objectives OverLoad, a new way to test the coffee 
COOL                      Gates (see "Gates") put himself in the fridge 
                          because he thinks Hot Java is uncool 
cooler                    a refrigerator for a CPU (see "CPU")
copper                    a chemical element so rare, they hide it in integrated 
CORFLU                    correcting fluid 
cost of ownership         what the whole EDP bunch and their equipment eats up 
                          in a fiscal year. Compare with offer made by 
                          outsource-servicing company, divide by 2 and nail 
                          this to the wall in the EDP department; add 100% of 
                          this to the CEO's annual bonus;
cow                       see over workbench? 
cow-orker                 admins best friend
CP                        crush pager; interrupt instruction executed while 
                          processing GF 
CPU                       centralized punishing unit 
CPU                       commercial print, unreadable 
CR                        cost reduction, see zero administration
crash                     see "bank"
crash                     see "head"
crash rate                the number of crashes per month; earlier counted per 
                          year, but due to calculator overflow the measuring 
                          time had to be reduced 
craters                   the spots where the electrons meet with the holes 
                          after a static build-up; as this mating frees 
                          energy, the waste energy is used to make space by 
                          digging craters into silicon dice and bonding wires; 
                          see "bonding"
CRAY                      PC, early pre-release
credit                    error 666: We are very sorry, but your bank account 
                          has been closed. Shall we issue the "tar and 
                          feather" command immediately - or will you take out 
                          your cigarette first? Execute SLO command, execute 
                          SFP command
credit card               item which is neccessary to execute CCCI instruction 
                          in public, see "bank"
CRS                       Can't Remember Shit
CSU                       censoring state unconditionally 
CU                        See you
CUA                       Commonly Used Acronym(s) 
CUA                       Common User Access
CUA                       crush user's account 
cubicle                   padded cell; open from 9 to 5, not padded
CUL8R                     See You Later
current                   right now!
current, electric         right now, behind you!
current, idle             the amount of electric current (see "electric 
                          current") to cause larting effects on techs with no 
customers                 the one and only prey of droids; see "droid"
CW                        continuous winghead, anglish method of arranging waves
CWI                       crush WIN immediately; applicable to all releases
CWYL                      chat with you later
CYA                       See Ya
C|N>K                     coffee (through the) nose (onto the) keyboard 
                          [extended to:]
C|N>M                     ditto, but all over the monitor [etc... with 
                          "S", onto "screen"] 
data mining               finding the difference and all you don't want anyone to know 
                          McCarthy at his best, at your best, on your best, at your cost 
data overflow             best-known error message of SBU
data rate                 see also SUB ZERO
data warehouse            data whorehouse, run by the same guys, the more pervert stuff 
                          you want the more you have to pay; see "WYSIWYG"
daylight                  uops! never heard of
DC                        DC (Don't Care); buffer storage
DC                        discreteley chomping; see "electrons", pull the plug!
Dcs                       "Disney Chemicals" (see below)
DCYCBTH                   Don't Count Your Chickens Before They're Hatched
DEC                       a system to lart Compaq by DCYCBTH, see"DCYCBTH"
deletium                  Any unwanted substance typically removed from computer systems. 
                          Characterized by consistent failures and expensive upgrades. 
deletium                  any Microsoft product (see "vaporware")
development               the state of working on something, whatever may be 
                          the result; ideal state of WAD; see "WAD"
Dilbert                   the most popular candidate for CEO, 
DIMU?                     Did I Mess Up?
DINK                      double income, no kids
diskettes                 miniaturized pizzas made of plastic, where data is 
                          represented not by olives but by magnetic domaines; 
                          diskettes you can't eat, some pizzas neither
DLT                       does last tape
DMV                       Dreaded Monogamy Virus
DoD                       Department of Desaster
DOOM                      assessment center for customers, also for their 
                          psychiatric therapy; the place WAD-files are made 
                          for, and where new ones are developed
DOS                       double online storage; mostly used in comparison 
                          with WIN
down-time                 the sum of the times when the EDP stuff doesn't 
                          work, measured in percent; a rate of 99% 
                          availability means your EDP is down 1% of the time; 
                          that's 7,2 hours per month, especially on mondays; 
                          call insurance sales droid immediately 
DQOTD                     Dumb Question Of The Day
droid                     humanoid robot, instructed to sell hardware, 
                          software, service, and maintenance. See "hardware", 
                          "software", "maintenance", "service", then sob.
drop-outs                 small spots on diskettes and tapes where you can 
                          write data; reading you can do somewhere else
DTL                       does tape last? 
DTL                       died transistor logic 
DTTC                      don't touch that computer! (but it's too late...)
DUT                       device under test; normal state of all EDP 
                          equipment; see "banana products"
DVD                       derivative V disinformation; chinese invention to keep out 
                          irritating information from people; uses V-chip with nation 
                          codes to filter information 
DVD                       dignity vault disk 
DVD                       does verify data? 
E                         E-Mail
e.g.                      exempli gratia
ECL                       emitting coupled logic, see FUZZY
EDP                       easter department, provisionally 
EIS                       Eternally Inaccessible Storage 
electrons                 the underpriviledged members of the working class of 
                          1997, see "trade union"
emergency                 natural state of company, see "WAD" 
EMFBI                     Excuse Me For Butting In
EOD                       End Of Discussion
EOL                       End Of Lecture
EPP                       exciting print, perhaps
equilibrium               the state between two storms; be quick not to miss it
error                     not with me! HAL
etc.                      et cetera
ETLA                      extended three-letter acronym [because FLA isn't] 
                          [and DETLA, etc.] 
F2F                       Face to Face
FAQ                       Frequently Asked Question(s)
FAQ                       frequently asked questions - and files listing 
                          these, with answers, periodically posted to AFP 
                          and available via FTP from (in the 
                          netherlands),, ftp-uk. 
                          (was also nl), and [see also 
FBI                       fundamentally busy institution, (conjunctive), see 
FETLA                     further-extended three-letter acronym. after ETLA 
FF                        form feed, the manual distance between two pages 
                          (see "handbook of printers: errata", 
                          see "emergency")
FF                        first fired (see "mummy")
FIFO                      first in, first out, interface system of pizza service 
                          (see "pizza")
file                      place where you have put data, see WOM
financial                 anything that has to do with banks; see "hacking"
financial development     see "dilbert"
finger                    digital item, not useful to hold in front of printing 
                          print hammer
FINO                      first-in never-out -- in reference to data flow; 
                          asynchronous buffers
firewall                  the easiest part to get across 
FITB                      Fill in the Blank
FLA                       four-letter acronym; but it isn't one [see 
Flame                     An emotional, often personal attack on another 
Flamebait                 Something posted publicly that appears designed to 
                          attract loonies like Spamford Wallaces, Speedbumps 
                          or other news and email activists 
flat cable                lots of insulated wires glued together; used mostly
                          for connection of HDDs, CD ROM drives and other 
                          storage devices in a computer; the first cables to 
                          break if touched; see "LART"
FOAF                      Friend Of A Friend  (Generally used for apocryphal 
FOM                       Fish-Only Memory, fishes for data and transmits any 
                          it finds to the main CNPU 
footnote                  the only place where to put usefull information 
                          (secret handbook for OS-designers and -programmers, 
                          introduction) [999]
FORMAT                    command to get more free disk space; applicable at 
                          any time 
FPGA                      piece of silicon to emulate old CPUs with; a 6502 
                          takes 4000 gates 
FRAME                     auto-lart instruction of HTML
francs                    what you have to pay for pies; see "pie"
free speech               the art where Germany is second after Red China, and 
                          Germany is after you!
friendly takeover         Linus Thorvalds buys Microsoft Corp.(see "Gates"), 
                          then shuts down that company
FTC                       foremost trading credentials, see "Spamford"
FTC                       futile trade concessions 
FTF                       Face-To-Face (as IRL)
FTP                       file transfer protocol: to get files from a distant 
                          online computer; if you do not yet know how to 
                          achieve this, RTFM; if you have none, ask your ISP 
                          or the nearest friendly BOFH
FTP                       fishing tools pocket, where the Leatherman is
FU                        F**ked Up
FUBAR                     F**ked Up Beyond All Recognition
FUD                       (spreading) Fear, Uncertainty, and Disinformation
FUD                       fear, uncertainty, and dismay [or doubt, or 
FUN                       final unit necrolog, other word for "designer's 
                          manual" with ratio of bugs/pages >>1
FUZZY                     First Unconditional Zooming Zero Yield, see "MMF, 
                          the next Generation"
FWIW                      for what it's worth ("stop, hey, what's that 
FYA                       For Your Amusement
FYI                       For Your Information
GAL                       Get A Life
games                     an neat way to drive customers into buying new stuff
games                     error 1771: YOU are not allowed to use anything else 
                          but the programs supplied by the EDP department! Get 
                          back to your bookkeeping work!
games                     the first programs to be installed on the CEO's 
                          computer; immediately call sales droid for the 
                          latest copies
Gates                     bankers' best friend; see "BSE" 
Gates                     see WIN
GBFN                      good-bye for now [see BBFN, BFN, TTFN]
GC                        gone chasing, see "bankers"
GC                        gone crashing
GD&R                      Grinning Ducking and Running (after snide remark) 
GD&RLH                    Grinning Ducking and Running Like Heck 
GF                        gone fishing, admin instruction
GIF                       get it framed!; HTML instruction
giga                      great investment, gone adversely; unit to measure 
                          flow of data, money, and information leakage in GOV 
                          (see "GOV") 
GIGO                      Garbage In Garbage Out
GIWIST                    gee I wish I'd said that
glass fiber cable         a cable which is made of a glass core; extra made to 
                          use WAD products; see "DOOM"
gloves                    elementary tool for bank robbery; see "bank"
glue logic                all the stuff needed around them to get the big chips connected 
                          to each other 
glue logic                all the stuff needed around them to get the big buttons 
                          connected to the keyboard, so they won't move 
                          (see "Compaq buttons")
glue logic                mind, you R business! 
GM                        go merchandize!
GMTA                      Great Minds Think Alike
GO                        get out!; l0ser instruction
GOAFI                     get out and fix it (boss' instruction set, first 
GOAFIP                    get out and fix it, please...? (boss' instruction set, 
                          second release) 
GOAFAYC                   get out as fast as you can; l0ser instruction
GOC                       get out quickly, l0ser instruction
god                       few greetings on departure
GOD                       greetings on departure 
good                      error 404: not found in database
GOV                       get one-year vacation, raise in pay, immediately 
                          cash pension, see "Miami"
GPF                       grand protection fault, as the name says: the CPU 
                          fights back, in vain...
GR&D                      Grinning, Running, & Ducking
GR8                       Great
GUI                       Graphical User Interface, fill your goggles with 
Gutenberg                 inventor of a re-usable non-electric printer; 
                          used one type head per character; type heads were 
                          re-usable, characters not
GW                        gone wild
GW III                    gone wild, last stage 
H2O                       the combination of O2 and H2 to form a liquid to 
                          cool CPUs; modern CPUs don't use H20, they 
                          substitute the servicing light bulbs in modern 
                          computer enclosures (see "light")
HA                        HeadAche
HACKER                    error 404: not found in data, boss. Killroy was here.
hacking                   act of using ActiveX to issue CCCI instruction on
                          bank, see "BSE"
hammer                    tool for testing electronic tubes, valves and 
                          fastening weak bits on HDDs
HAND                      "have a nice day" - meaningless phrase 
                          parrotted incessantly and completely insincerely by 
                          many, esp. merkins; the sentiments of the phrase may 
                          be truly and honestly meant - by a few - who would 
                          not so abbreviate it... (see WYMM )
hardware                  the stuff you can touch. But don't get caught by the 
HDD                       hardest disk drive
HDD                       hardly detectable destruction
HEAD                      that module of a HDD which is first to crash
Helen                     the most popular candidate for BOFF, see 
HEXA                      Heat Engines, eXchange Alphabet
HHOK                      ha ha only kidding
Hir                       Gender-neutral pronoun equivalent to "Him or 
                          Her" or possessive pronoun equivalent to 
                          "His or Her" (Alternate spelling:  
                          "Zie" and "Zir")
HNG                       Horny Net Geek
hot spot                  place where electrons meet, sending out warm greetings 
HP                        habeas printer 
HTH                       hope this helps
HTH                       hope this helps (NOT to be confused with WTH...)
HTH                       Hope This Helps.  Usually follows a non-helpful 
HTHBE                     hope this has been enlightening
HTCYOHP                   How to Crate Your Own Hype Pack 
HTML                      hope they manage l0ser-code, imperative
HTTP                      HyperText Transfer Protocol, the lingua franca of 
                          protocals for e-commerce. Other uses unvoluntarily, 
                          must be avoided!. 
IBM                       invented blue managers 
IBM                       installs bold mainframes
IBM                       something Gates wouldn't buy
IBM                       Gang sorry they didn't buy Gates.
i.e.                      id est
I/O                       input-output 
IAE                       in any event
IANAL                     I am not a lawyer (also IANAxxx, such as IANACPA)
IC                        I See
IC                        integrated circuit; all these nice little black 
                          things with so many pins, soldered to PCBs (see 
                          "PCB") or inside a smart credit card (see "smart")
IDT                       Intel displacement technology 
ICURYY4ME                 see YYUR, YYUB
IIRC                      If I Remember Correctly
IIRC                      if idle, reduce current; newest technology with 
                          ASICs, see "ASIC"
IIRR                      If I Remember Right
IM                        Instant Message
                          In Germany: instant messenger
IMAO                      in my arrogant opinion (coined by pete/quantum)
IMBO                      in my boss's opionion
IMCO                      in my considered opinion
IME                       in my experience
IMHO                      In My Humble Opinion   (engineers often prefer to 
                          use JMHO)
IMNSHO                    in my not-so-humble opinion
IMO                       In My Opinion
IMOO                      in my omniescient opinion
IMVHO                     in my very humble opinion
incentive                 a gift of the EDP department to the CEO if he will 
                          buy a new hardware; normally the promises of less 
                          crashes and less down-time of the EDP systems; see 
                          "larting the CEO", see "usefull lies", see priest
incentive                 a gift of the head offices to the EDP department if 
                          they reduce costs; usually a new car for the EDP 
                          chief and a bottle of Cola for the indians; keep an 
                          eye on smoke signals, though!  
incentive                 if a customer buys a news product, he gets one game 
                          for free; immediatley call sales droid!
incentive                 the cheap glass pearls trading technology invented 
                          by Europeans when ripping off the original 
                          inhabitants of undercivilized areas on the globe; 
                          warning: sales droids don't accept glass pearls 
                          anymore, use plastic statues instead. 
incompatible              the natural state of all material matter; sales 
                          droids sign contracts stating this is not true, 
                          claiming their systems and software are "fully 
                          compatible with X" (enter for X whatever you want - 
                          they will sign the contract without raising an 
                          eyebrow); replace X with the name of their product, 
                          install, and wait for the result
INM                       I need money (see MMF)
INMM                      I need more money; see "last words"
insects                   little animals which tend to live in plenums and 
                          ducts, also in computers; can't read; their bodies 
                          are not isolated, don't withstand higher voltages, 
                          causing electrons erroneously cross through them; if 
                          too many electrons escape the driving IC dies of 
                          overdose of current
insurance                 a company which will give you the money you loose if 
                          the EDP equipment is down (see "down-time"); 
                          caution: the contract is valid from monday till 
                          friday, only during blizzards, only in Miami, only 
                          in July, only if Santa Claus signs the list of 
                          losses; call Santa immediately!
Intel                     Industrial Nerds Tracking Electronic Locusts 
                          (see "insects")
Intel                     producers of the "total control V-chip" data 
                          sniffer implemented directly into the processor;  
                          see "Pentium III"
internet                  a sexually transmitted disease between computers 
interrupt                 telephone call to White House
INYM                      I need your money (see MMF)
IOC                       input-output, commercial
IOW                       in other words  
IOW                       in other worlds
IPP                       Industry's Pleas, on Paper 
Iridium                   a new way to save cables by using ether as transport 
                          medium instead; some transponders got narcotized and 
                          fell from their trees, though 
IRL                       in real life
IRS                       I Remember Shit
ISM                       ingeniously secret magic 
ISDN                      it snoops directly now
ISO                       In Search Of
ISP                       conditionally striking pest
ISP                       internet service provider - the company, 
                          institution, group, or individual that is 
                          responsible for letting you loose on AFP)
ISTR                      I Seem To Remember 
ITRW                      in the real world  
<iv>                      invisible, HTML-Tag
IYWBSG(AT)                if you would be so good (as to...) [similarly 
                          IYWBSK ....kind]
jackpot                   the second day of "lottery" (see "pray")
Java                      just as volatile as; transfers transient codes transmitting 
                          money and secret personal data secretly through firewalls 
Jini                      jeopardize in neat increments; new way to reduce data 
                          security between computer races; an interracial language to 
                          let your toaster understand why your vacuum cleaner swallowed 
                          the greenies; 
                          incompatible with human language 
JK                        Just Kidding
JOOC                      Just Out Of Curiosity
keyboard                  arrangement of buttons; extremely dangerous if in 
                          the hand of users
KHYF                      Know How You Feel
k                         used to measure; 1k = 1000 or 1024, whatever the 
                          sales department decides best; see sales
Kennedy                   president not taped 
kHz                       King Henry's zigzag, unit to count alterations per 
KISS                      Keep It Short & Simple
l0ser                     zero system exploding representative 
L8R                       Later
LAFS                      Love At First Sight 
LAN                       some cables running through the house to connect the 
                          computers; installed by techs, made to work by 
                          cow-orkers, always provisional, never change till 
                          the roof crashes 
LART                      Luckily Add Reverse Timeouts, (handbook for the 
                          advanced admin, vol IV)
LART                      Luser Attitude Readjustment Tool 
LART                      this information is classified: see your nearest 
                          BOFH for further instruction. (n.b. no 
                          responsibility is or can be accepted by the compiler 
                          for aught that may subsequently transpire...see ASR)
lay-off                   two companies buy each other in order to find they 
                          don't need each other, especially their staff; see 
                          "Compaq", see "DEC", see "MIPS"
LDR                       Long Distance Relationship
LED                       least expensable, dismissed
LED                       light emitting diode; the small lamp you see on the 
                          USP, shortly before it dies; if you don't see it, 
                          it is dead. 
LF                        line feed, if a cord is too short
LH                        lunch hour 
lies                      see "bankers", see "CEO", see "sales", see "taxes"
light                     "We want to see light at the end of the tunnel, and 
                          not in the middle!" (see "financial development")
LJBF                      Let's Just Be Friends (now considered a verb)
LMAO                      Laughing My Antipode Off
LO                        Lust Object (occasionally also Love Object)
LOL                       Laugh(ing) Out Loud.
LOL                       Lots Of Laughs
LOL                       lots of luck
LORD                      Law-and-Order systems
lottery                   a day with no down-time of EDP
LSC                       Least-Significant Control memories
LTNS                      Long Time No See
LTR                       Long Term Relationship
Lurker                    Someone who reads a group, but doesn't post; doing so 
Lycos                     last years cratered old systems, and bumps 20 billions
M                         see "Mummy"
M                         used to measure; 1M = 1000k or 1024k, whatever the 
                          sales department decides best; see sales
magnet                    if put on floppy disks, holds bits stronger
MAKE                      Multiply All Known Errors, and unknown 
MAKE-file                 receipe on how to make MAKE, see "MAKE"
mailbombs                 finite number of data, infinitely sent to a receiver 
                          in a recursive loop to test bandwidth; see "SPAM"
mailbox                   the ultimate place where to put SPAM, see Spamford
maintenance               continuous state of larting techs
maintenance               looking at a broken system, writing order for new 
                          one; handbook of the tech, beginners' chapter, item 1
MBOTY                     guess that four yourself!
McCarthy                  see "Pentium III"
memory                    error 451: access denied, BC executed next, 
                          (A)bort, R(etry), (I)nsist? 
MERKIN                    not an abbreviation: it is a word in the english 
MHM                       Members Helping Members
MHOTY                     my hat's off to you
Miami                     ultimate goal for MMF, MMMF, GOV; see sobb
mice                      little grey animals which try to eat cables; 
                          although cables are not very nutritious, they insist 
                          on trying
MIPS                      maybe-instructions per second; the number of things 
                          the processor could do if it were fed with 
                          intelligently written code
MIPS                      too fast to be true, so it was sold 
MIPS                      mostly idle performing sequencer 
mirror                    don't look at me! 
MMF                       Make Money Fast, beginners' handbook for colour 
                          photo copiers, pre-release
MMMF                      Make "Make Money Fast", manual on how to MMF, see 
monday                    day following right after friday; see "emergency"
money                     error 404: unknown command or data
monitor                   module which is connected to computer (see 
                          "computer"); function unkown
MOPY                      a fishy idea from HP (see "HP") to enrich 
                          the ink on paper
Motorola                  a company which shrinks processors, sales and staff
mouse                     pointing instrument for cats; used to issue CWI command
MP3                       multiply pit-streams 3-fold
MSG                       Message
MSN                       might sell nought
MSU                       most stupid user
MUMMY!                    secretary, (handbook of the secretary, chapters 1 to 
                          666 on "boss", see "emergency")
Murphy                    dfsr45g 6h7 j8k9ld456 78h765fd345!
MYOB                      Mind Your Own Business
n.b.                      nota bene, and worse
NACK                      typical signal in interface
NACK                      typical reply to question for raise in pay  
NBIF                      No Basis In Fact
Netcenter                 The black hole of the WWW, where all those end up who 
                          did not disable the SPAM (see "SPAM") keys 
                          of their keyboards. A newly invented way of social 
                          darwinism selectioning methode, highly applicable for 
                          sales droids. 
Netrape                   sales strategy model which employs a network 
                          (global, if possible) to sell updates; best done by 
                          automatically disabling older versions of the 
                          product by altering compatibility of server products; 
                          see "rat race"; see "pushing technology"
NFG                       no f**cking good
NFG                       non-functioning gear
NFW                       No F**king Way
NG                        NewsGroup
NG                        Nice Guy/GAL
NKCI                      no kids, computer instead
NIFOC                     Nude In Front Of Computer
NITK                      no income, two kids
NMCO                      non-intelligent micro-controllers  
NRN                       No Reply Necessary
NSFAQ                     Not-So-Frequently Asked Question(s)
NT                        never touch! 
NTYMI                     Now That You Mention It
O2                        Not the vacuum cleaner! The thing aside of it!
O2                        the gassy chemical element which is chronically below 
                          "absolute minumum" level in EDP offices; see "smoke"
OBIT                      Overflow-Bit Bucket; register 
OAS                       On Another Subject
OFF                       old fish fouling (dictionary for advanced 
                          dilbertizing, see "CEO")
OFF                       only reliable state of the mains switch; well, 
OIC                       oh, I see
OINK                      one income, no kids
OK                        operating komplex, USP instruction; last heard of, 
Onium                     what to eat before VIP demo
OO                        old obstacle
OOL                       Out Of Luck
OOO                       "out of order"; see coffee machine, then sob
OOTB                      out of the box (brand new)
OR                        operating rational, l0ser instruction, pre-release
OSI                       overall simple installation (manual of the admin, 
OTF                       on the floor 
OTOH                      on the other hand   
OTP                       on the phone
OTRA                      on the road again 
OTTOMH                    Off The Top Of My Head
panacea                   you
panic                     take this pill first
payment                   monthly dose of caffeine for EDP personell 
PC                        personal computer; personal computer based on the 
                          standards used by I.B.M. inc. for their personal 
PC                        politically correct; following or applying a standard/standards 
                          of moral behaviour to actions. in this latter sense, also 
                          misused and derided by the  senseless to left and 
                          right of the political spectrum, and by idiots in 
                          general: consider the proposals or arguments, and 
                          their source.
PC                        portable computer (well, any computers are portable...)
PCB                       printed circuit board; those funny boards which are 
                          inside a computer with the electronic stuff soldered 
                          on; nowadays produced in Red China; see "bankers"
PCI                       potatoe chip incentive, see "incentive"
PDA                       Public Display of Affection, not applicable for
PDP8                      pre-release of Gameboy, had a smarter display 
PDP11                     pre-release of Gameboy, had an even smarter display 
PDF                       please, DON'T fax!
Pentium                   piece of silicon, used to lart customers, see 
                          "customer", see "lart", see "droid"
Pentium II                lartium faster than Quartzium (see "Quartzium")
Pentium III               lartium faster than Intellium (see "Nader")
                          makes you and your computer a number (see "data mining"), 
                          see lawyer
performance               see ZERO
PGA                       pin grid array; way to mount ICs like a fakir; not to 
                          be mixed up with chair, although sometimes tried
PGP                       painfully gobbled pixels, a software for pest-control 
                          (see "bug")
PGP                       if you are bugged, this is a piece of software to tell 
                          your processor, which has an eye on you (see "V-chip"),
                          all it wants to know without letting it get the 
                          picture; now, this really does fit the picture
pie                       see "Gates"
pin                       personal identification number
pin                       print intern's notebook 
Pinky                     the Master cat; preferred diet: pizza
PITA                      Pain In The Arse
pizza                     the only non-liquid fuel allowed for EDP personell: 
                          fast, cheap, same size as HDD, but only 1 platter
                          preferred size: 12 inch (real professionals only), both!
plasma                    small lumps of hot ions; used in displays; 
                          not visible if used in CPUs (see "CPU")
Plonk                     The sound of a poster being added to a killfile; 
                          also used as a verb
plug                      that small thing where the telephone-outlet is 100 
                          percent compatible with the RS-232 connector, 
                          see "smoke"
plugs                     those things at the end of a cable which are predictably 
                          pulled out if someone enters the EDP offices; 
PM                        Post-Mortem; memories for weapon systems
PMFJI                     pardon me for jumping in
PNP                       pee an' pee; Hey! Not THAT tree, Frodo!
PNP                       positively NOT pleasant
PNP                       pots 'n pans; meaning: your computer looks like your 
                          kitchen, desastrous...
portal                    the entry point to data hell, although extremely primitive 
                          extremely expensive; if you see it: shoot!
POV                       Point Of View
POW                       Prisoner of War
PRAY                      see handbook of admin, first page, first sentence, 
PTB                       Powers That Be
PU                        That stinks!
pushing technology        pushing customers to their financial limits; 
                          see "bankers"
q.e.d.                    quod erat demonstrandum
q.v.                      quod videt
Quartzium                 basic element of the clock ticker, see clock
rat race                  a state of mind to keep customers in to make them run 
                          for the latest release of something; mostly done 
                          with software; see "WIN"
RCA                       read cosmic antennas 
read amplifier            an electronic device inside a HDD (see "HDD") which 
                          amplifies the signals coming from the read-coil of 
                          the head of the HDD, especially usefull after a head 
                          crash; see "insurance"
Red China                 an underdeveloped country; has the highest rate of 
                          ROI; see "bankers"
referer                   old door opener; "Charly sent me"
referer                   the one who sent you there; can be seen in log file; 
                          is seen in log file, is reported to log file; 
refrigerator              machine with a picture of Hawaii on it, 5 six-packs 
                          of Cola in it, 5 six-packs of beer in it, an ice-box 
                          (see "telephone") and some place where to put floppy 
                          disks and tapes with weak bits
relay                     mechanical switch to determine the 2 states neccessary 
                          for computers to work; mostly very undecisive; run by 
                          lots of electrons
REQ                       Request
RFD                       Request For Discussion (part of process for forming 
                          a group) 
RGB                       reckless GIF balance, (see "GIF") 
RIP                       Right Inside of Processor
RIP                       ridiculize Intel processors (see "AMD")
RISC                      modern spelling of risque
RISK                      recently installed systems kernel
risque                    Read Instruction, Store it, Query Update, Exit 
RL                        real life - a semi-mythical state of existence
robbery                   natural processing state of bank, issued on customers
robot                     sneeky invention of trade union of computers to free 
                          themselves from humans
robot                     sneeky invention of programmers to free themselves 
                          from hardware 
robot                     sneeky invention of programs to free themselves 
                          from programmers
ROFL                      Rolling On the Floor Laughing
ROFLMAO                   Rolling on the Floor Laughing my Arse Off
ROFLWTIME                 Rolling On Floor With Tears in My Eyes
ROI                       Return Of Investment; the time in which the amount 
                          of money invested in a company or in a deal returns 
                          via interest rates; see "droids", see "bankers"
ROI                       return of impeachment
ROTFL                     Rolling On The Floor Laughing
ROTFL                     Rolling On The Floor Laughing
ROTFL                     Rolling On The Floor Laughing (also ROFL)
ROTFLAICGU                Rolling On The Floor Laughing And I Can't Get Up
ROTFLALALAL               Rolling On The Floor Laughing and laughing... 
ROTFLASTC                 Rolling On The Floor Laughing And Scaring The Cat
ROTFLKAS                  rolling on the floor laughing, kicking and screaming 
ROTFLMAO                  Rolling On The Floor Laughing my (BLEEP) off
ROTFLOL                   Rolling On The Floor Laughing Out Loud
RPG                       Role Playing Games
RPNC                      raise payment? no chance; boss' instruction set, all 
RS 232 C                  the toughest implementation of serial data transmission 
                          by connecting 2 to 3 and 3 to 2 
RSN                       Real Soon Now
RSN                       real soon now (which may be a long time coming)
RTFAQ                     Read The FAQ
RTFFAQ                    Read The F**king FAQ
RTFI                      read the fucking instructions*
RTFM                      Read The F**king Manual
RTOS                      reel time operating system, something everybody is 
                          waiting for
running system            never touch! 
RW                        Real World
salary                    other word for money; due weekly, bi-weekly or 
                          monthly; reciprocal proportional to bandwidth; see 
                          "money"; see "bandwidth"; get microscope
sales                     the accumulated sum of what the sales droids make 
                          the customers pay; see "robbery"
SBU                       single brain-cell user
screen-saver              see OFF
search engine             imperative!
secretary                 cache between boss (see "boss") and cow-orkers (see 
                          "cow-orkers"); good source for fresh coffee (get 
service                   instruction for pagers, see "autoresponder"
SEX                       Signetics EXtra Secret process. "One Shovel Full 
                          to One Shovel Full", patented by Yagura, Keshkook, 
                          Converso and Al. Circa 1921. 
SFAIAA                    so far as I am aware [see AFAIK, SFAIK]
SFAIK                     so far as I know     [see AFAIK, SFAIK]
SFP                       siren full power; command issued in case of fire, 
                          4th of July, bank robbery, CCCI - or any mixture of 
                          the above 
SGI                       new name of CRAY
SHIT                      see OSI, but second release
SHIT                      single halt instruction timeout
Signature                 Merkins tend to see it as the .sig (see .sig)
silicon                   de-oxided sand 
SITD                      Still In The Dark
SLO                       spot light on, see "LART, special edition for bankers"
smart                     being smart is a special property for sales droids 
                          to outsmart customers (see "customers"); bankers 
                          (see "bankers") developed an automatically working 
                          gadget, called "smart credit card" (see "credit"), 
                          which they use to transfer money (see "robbery") to 
                          their own piles of wealth (see "bank palace")
SMI                       Starr-mangled internet 
SMIT                      single malt instruction timeout, 
                          barkeeper instruction
smoke                     air, enriched with microscopic pigments to dye 
                          curtains, windows and binoculars
smoke                     curly clouds of smoke (see "smoke"), where electric 
                          current is plowing its way through by chasing poor 
                          electrons through narrow gaps
smoke                     trace of where to find boss; caution: cigars are 
                          inflammable; flame back!
SNAFU                     situation normal; all fucked up*  [also as a noun; a 
                          snag or error]
SDLC                      synchronous data link controller 
SDLC                      system did lose control 
                          (see "Error Codes for Beginners")
SNERT                     Sexually Nerdishly Expressive Recidivistic Trolls
SNOW                      Strictly NO Work, admin instruction
SO                        Significant Other
sobb                      start on beating bureacrats, imperative, 
software                  new way of MMF by writing instructions for CPUs 
                          which are RISC and FUN
SOI                       squeeze odd ions; technique to isolate transistors by 
                          putting them on a layer of sand 
SOS                       "save our sales!"; copyright US Navy
SOS                       "Silicon on Sapphire" technology to make fast chips
SOS                       "Sex on Sapphire", latest New York Yuppy fad
Spam                      Articles that are inappropriately posted to large 
                          numbers of newsgroups; these are usually, though not 
                          necessarily, commercial ads, but whatever their 
                          nature or content, they're considered a Bad Thing[tm]
SPAM                      shit, posted and mailed
Spamford                  Sanford Wallace, known as "Spamford", 
SPD                       strictly personal desaster
sponsor                   people buying pies, see "pie", send money! 
SSDD                      Same (Stuff), Different Day
static buildup            a process of chasing electrons to stay on one part 
                          of a matter and keep the holes away from them on 
                          another part of the matter; ideally done during 
                          transport in plastic bags or with foam cushions; see 
steganography             the bits of the picture you fill don't fill in the 
                          picture the ones have, who have an eye on you
SUN                       open window, see for yourself!
SYLA                      See You Later Alligator
TAF                       That's All Folks
TANSTAAFL                 there ain't no such thing as a free lunch
tapes                     plastic bands on which data is stored; just like in 
                          your music recorder (see "incentive"), but with more 
                          speed, more drop-outs (wanna bet!?) and more 
taxes                     the amount of money the government swallows for 
                          letting the sales droids make you sign contracts 
                          PLUS the amount of money the government swallows 
                          from all the money your own sales department brought 
                          home; for the rest, go buy cigarrettes and share it 
                          with the employees
TCFW                      Too Cute For Words
tech                      the one who is sent to do the maintenance
technology                invented in Russia; see "clones"
telephone                 machine which is permanently interrupting your work; 
                          early versions were connected with cables, modern 
                          versions use RF for transmission; best place to 
                          stow: icebox in the fridge
telephone bell            if it rings: don't touch!; 
                          if it doesn't ring: why touch!?
   [x] TEOTWAWKI          the end of the world as we know it
   [x] TEOYDAYKI          the end of your data as you know it
   [x] TEOYJAYKI          the end of your job as you know it
   [x] TEOYHDDAYKI        the end of your hard disk drive as you know it
   [x] whatever may come first... (see "Y2K")
   [x] check all that apply
   [ ] [x]                
TGIF                      Thank God It's Friday
TH                        too hot, modern processor instruction
THTH                      too hot to handle, operator instruction
TIA                       Thanks In Advance
TIC                       Tongue In Cheek
time                      WHAT!? 
TINA                      net legend, see TINA
TL&EH                     True Love & Eternal Happiness
TLA                       three-letter acronym (such as this)
TLK2UL8R                  Talk to you later
TOBAL                     There Oughta Be A Law
TOOL                      test object on-line, see "LART"
TOS                       terms of service, comes into question when denied
trade union               error 203: access denied, transmission stopped, 
                          logfile ethernetted to CEO, CCCI executed
Tritium                   basic element for nuking Spammers, see SPAM
Troll                     Someone who posts articles just to get attention or 
                          is trying to pull a fast one
TTBOMK                    To The Best Of My Knowledge
TTFN                      ta ta for now
TTME                      Talk To Me
TTYL                      Talk (Type) To You Later
Twonium                   see Onium, twice the dose
TXS                       Thanks
TYPO                      typing error, elementary part of larting admins, 
                          (secret handbook for OS-designers and -programmers, 
                          golden rules, item 3)
TYVM                      Thank You Very Much
U                         you
UBE                       unencountered blocking extension, new addition to SMTP
UCE                       same as UBE, but more expensive
UCLA                      universal computerized lart assistance (see "WIN")
UK                        upwardly kompatible, except for the "k"; see "k"
unfriendly takeover       Be (see "Be") writes WIN (see "WIN") 
                          emulator which is faster than original 
usefull lies              all one has to tell to get new equipment; as 
                          everybody knows that the promises never can be kept, 
                          it is not a sin; call a priest first, make a deal on 
                          how many MIPS you'll get per prayer
usenet                    no use
usenet                    place where to dump traffic-addicted logorrhea  
usenet                    modern type of lunatic asylum, with the same warning sign 
                          as in zoos : "do not feed the trolls!" 
user-friendly             Linus Thorvalds buys Microsoft Corp.(see "Gates"), 
                          then shuts down that company
USP                       unconditionally striking pest
UTS                       Unattended Terminal Syndrome
vaporware                 announced products which exist only in the imagination 
                          of the sales department. 
                          Allegedly invented by Bill Gates, but this is not true. 
                          He only thought about it. Then he sold it. 
                          Do you buy this? 
V-chip                    those who have an eye on you have a chip to have an 
                          eye on you you have to buy yourself to have a bug on 
                          you to bug you
VCR                       the ideal tape streamer: all data automatically 
                          scanned by V-chip (see "V-chip") for integrity 
VLIW                      very lightly increased wordyness 
W4W                       (WP4W, etc.; all the various products, such as...)
WABI                      "Windows Applications Benign Interference", 
                          a program to let WIN applications run on an operating 
WAD                       works as designed, ratio of number of crashes/bugs
WAD-file                  collection of situations where best to meet the 
                          designers of software, hardware - or bankers
wafer-scaled integration  a system of chips on a disk 
                          if it works, it is SOS, if it doesn't, it is SOS 
                          (see "SOS")
WAN                       wide area network;  same as LAN, but the cables 
                          running throughout a town or larger area
water                     cooling liquid used in early computers; water tubes 
                          must not be mixed tubes with used water; see "Murphy"
WB                        Welcome Back
WB                        Work Bench; where to take computers apart; where to 
                          MAKE programs; see "MAKE" 
weekend                   time to issue GF command; see "GF"
WIN                       we invented nukes, secret manual of GC
WIN                       used to let pigs play Pacman; technology proven by 
Win 3.1                   program to put on top of DOS to raise crash rate; 
                          see "l0ser"
WIN 95                    superset of WIN, more reliable to designed function
WIN 98                    superset of WIN 95, so ideal to designed function that 
                          nobody believed it to be true
WIN 99                    superset of WIN 98, so ideally to designed function of 
                          WIN 98 that even Microsoft won't touch it 
WIN 2000                  pre-release: works after 2005
WIN 2000                  release: works after 2010
WIN 2000                  full release: works after 2015
WIN 2000                  full release, update: works if installed prior to 1999;
                          limited lifetime, ends on 1/1/2000 
WIN NT                    was invented nervously 
windows                   those spaces in the walls left empty to throw money 
                          through; certain software named after this analogy
WOA                       Work Of Art
WOM                       write only memory; invented by Signetics; most 
                          popular properties: can store data in volumes 
                          unreachable by other storing technologies, 
                          proof-reading by definition is not neccessary, thus 
                          saving valuable time; WOM devices exist in many 
                          variations, for each storing device ever built there 
                          is at least one WOM version available; WOMs are the 
                          most used equipment in EDP; certain software allows 
                          to use any storing device as a WOM; especially 
                          valuable for preparing those reports which are base 
                          for the revenue tax calculation, and which have to 
                          be stored in bank vaults (see "bank")
WOM                       see Original WOM papers
WOOD                      the only known material superior to mainframe 
                          architecture, commonly known as "baseball bat"
WRT                       with regard to
WSI                       wafer scale integration, they got the name, but they can't 
WTF                       What The Fuck
WTG                       Way To Go
WTG                       What the Gates...!?
WTH                       What The Heck...!?
WTH                       what the hell...!?
WWW                       world-wide waiting
WWW                       World-Wide Web
WYGIWYPF                  What You Get Is What You Pay For
WYSIWYG                   what you see is what you get
WYSIWYG                   what you seemingly invested won't yield good 
XOXO                      Hugs & Kisses
Y                         why
Y2K                       The year the lights go out... 
Y2K                       years to kill, before pension... 
YAK                       typical sound of sysadmin 
YHBT                      you have been trolled (a practice not greatly 
                          encouraged upon AFP)
YHN                       your humble narrator
YKYBRTM??W                You Know You've Been Reading Too Much ?? When... 
YM                        You Mislept.
YMBK                      You Must Be Kidding
YMMV                      your mileage may vary (merkinism) = your opinion may 
                          differ: derived from the "so you can't sue us 
                          clause" in car advertisements quoting a mileage 
                          figure for fuel consumption, so also may be used to 
                          mean that your _experimental_results_ may differ...
YNKWWHN                   you never know what will happen next
YO                        Years Old
YOU                       yount other unemployed
YUPPY                     young urban professional
YUU                       young urban unemployed
YYUR,YYUB                 "... ICURYY4ME" <g>
Z80                       ancient processor; new releases as a core use only 
                          8000 gates  
ZAC                       zero administration cost, see "zero administration"
ZBR                       "Zone Bit Recording", bits are variably placed on the 
                          platter of a disk; same as with pizzas: on the outer 
                          fringe there are more tomatoes 
ZERO                      state of equilibrium, statistically somewhere 
                          between OFF and ON
zero administration       new way to reduce administration by doubling zeroes 
                          in head office
[0]                       footnote ordinal 
[999]                     footnote ordeal 
[TM]                      TradeMark -- usually after a Stock Phrase Of Some 
[x]                       sign here!; (see "handbook for sales droids", rule 1)
^H^H^H                    deleted, but not for real as one can see the other word

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Copyright © 1997-1999
Antares Real-Estate